March Meeting: 365 Nights, A Memoir of Intimacy

Charla Muller was our March guest. The author of 365 Nights, A Memoir of Intimacy, which chronicles the year that she promised her husband sex every night for a year as a gift for his 40th birthday, and the stronger marriage that resulted as they made intimacy a priority. After the year was over, Charla met a book agent who encouraged her to write the story about the memorable year. When the book was published, she was interviewed on Oprah, Today Show, The View, and NY Times, among others. She shared with us her "Five Lessons Learned" as a result of her "year" and the resulting media attention.

1. Intention is Everything: Charla read an article once that said that if you could take a snapshot of your day, you would see what is most important in your life. Before "the year," her snapshot would have included everything except her husband. Part of what inspired her gift idea was that she wanted to make her husband the center of that snapshot again; intimacy was a way of having a meaningful connection.

2. Why Not Me?: When Charla's book editor first approached her about writing the book, Charla didn't see herself as the kind of person who could write that book. However, she discovered that it is okay to dream big and have big things happen to you. We can let so many outside things define who we are supposed to be (i.e. body image, social expectations) that we are easily convinced that we can't accomplish our dreams.

3. Boldness with Balance: Her husband agreed to let her write the book with the counsel that she write a book that would honor marriage and their faith. His counsel became Charla's mission statement and anchored her decision-making in determining what was appropriate to share in the book and what should remain between the two of them.

4. We All Need to Have Our A Team: The "A Team" is our list of go-to people, the ones who will help us to handle the hard parts. We need to surround ourselves with affirming people and not with "life-suckers." At the same time, we need to be affirming people and not "life-suckers" too.

5. Kindness Counts: After enduring snide comments and glib remarks, Charla learned how powerful words can be and resolved to improver her own communication as well. During "the year" Charla and her husband also learned how powerful kindness is in helping intimacy, that it is easier to want to be intimate after doing thoughtful things for each other outside the bedroom. Charla enjoyed the daily kindness that existed in their marriage and loved being the center of her husband's attention, and it was something she wanted to maintain after "the year" was over.