Paul Garrett - How to Love the One Your With

We had a great meeting with Paul Garrett a therapist that specializes in family and disaster response and adoption.  He spoke to us about Marriage and how to make yours stronger.

He started out with a story – 

Take two accomplished musicians of the same instrument and put one in a recording studio.  Give them a musical instrument and let them play.  Then put the other one in the same studio and have them play the same instrument and music.  Will you be able to differentiate the two players?

So of course you would be able to tell the difference between the two as nobody does the same thing the same way, there is no marriage like yours, there are some similarities but it is up to you to honor your very own characteristics and traits in your marriage.  

Remember, marriage is WORK romance is great.  You have to decide if you are going to have a good marriage or just be married.  Everyday is a day to start to have a good marriage, pick what you want to do better for you or your spouse.  Make a pattern of commitment and lay the foundations.  

As you create a better relationship with your spouse you are showing your children how to relate to people.  Remember to take time to get away to talk about the things you talked about when you met, teach your children that it is important for Mom and Dad to have that time.  Be Bold NOT aggressive for example aggressive language is ‘I hate it, or it is stupid’.  Avoid the words ‘Need’ and ‘Should’ as what you see as a need might not be the same for your spouse – dishes don’t ‘need’ to be cleaned, in the eyes of many. 

To help connect with your husband look at taking care of the little boy inside him.  Reward him when he does something you wanted him to do.  To help initiate conversations with your husband they do better talking while driving in a car or holding a shovel.  Find ways to make your spouse feel loved and happy but ensure you are not selling yourself out.

Intimacy is very important to a marriage.  You and your spouse need to be able to be open and honest and comfortable talking about it so you can talk to your children about it.  You have to be upfront and practice talking about your needs.  Intimacy is private and personal, joining two caring people together that is long lasting.  

Paul also shared a handout with the following information:

Things to remember throughout your marriage to avoid getting lost.  Above all remember good marriage happens based on effort and continued commitment to the other.

 

1. Something brought you together.  Keep it in your awareness and return to it because it was a positive.
2.  Remember children are a portion of your relationship and cherish it but your spouse should be more.
3. Develop activities that bless your children and develop you and your spouse.
4. Remember how you relate to your spouse is how your children will relate to their spouse and children aka your grandchildren.
5. Work in the moment but remember the big picture.
6.  Ask yourself, ‘Is what I am going to say bringing light into the relationship or just heat?’
7. Speak up and be bold.  What is the difference between being bold and aggressive?  (do you want to be right or be friends?  Sometimes, they are mutually exclusive) 
8. Seek for the betterment of the other.
9. Create a weekly routine that takes care of schedule, finances, family and above all, the couple.  Teach the children and friends, the spousal relationship is always a part of any decision. 

October 14th The Whole Tulip

Our October 14^th meeting featured Adri Warrick and Lisa Roberts from The Whole Tulip.  

Adri and Lisa are both Holistic Health Coaches focusing on eating real/whole foods to combat illness and fatigue.  

They suggest that you focus on reading ingredients, if it says anything about partially hydrogenated anything it contains trans fat, which you want to avoid.  Also try to avoid genetically modified food.  Be an educated consumer and know what the companies are adding to the food that you didn’t ask for. 

Focus on what you want to change, do you have reoccurring sicknesses or experiencing hormonal changes, changing what you eat can help you feel better.  Disease stems from inflammation and inflammation in the body can come from excessive sugar and alcohol.  By eating clean plant based foods you help alleviate some of the inflammation. 

As you begin a journey of moving away from packaged goods to whole foods try to invite your family into the conversation to help with the decisions and get them on board. 

There are 3 components to a healthy meal/snack:

1 – Healthy Fat – avocado or coconut oil

2 – Fiber

3 – Protein – lean cuts of meat, beans and fish

The goal is to keep your blood sugar stable and keep you more satisfied and full.  Never skip a meal and try to eat 5 times a day with small snacks in between your main meals using the combination of healthy fat, fiber and protein.   

Make sure you have a plan so you don’t skip meals and think ahead.  Prep veggies at the beginning of the week to make it easier to cook during the week. 

As you pick your food look for nourishment and taste.  Slow down, be quiet and sit down as you eat.  Make sure you get enough sleep as that impacts your cravings. 

When picking food for your kids avoid corn syrup and artificial dyes.  Evidence suggests that artificial dyes are a neurotoxin.  Create a grazing platter with fruit and veggies to stem off the afternoon hunger before dinner is ready.   

We had a couple of samples of suggested snacks.  These are easy to make and yummy.  For the protein powder they recommend pea or hemp protein which can be found at Whole Foods and Earth Fare:

Choco Choco Balls

1/4 cup organic sulfite free dried figs

5 dates pitted and stems removed

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder of cacao

1 tablespoon extra virgin coconut oil

1 tablespoon plain hemp protein powder

2 tablespoons unsweetened shredded coconut

Put all ingredients except for the shredded coconut into food processor.  Blend until well combined, about 1 - 2 minutes.  Add in shredded coconut and process for another 30 seconds.  Roll into golf ball sized balls.  I find that if I coat my hands with coconut oil they are easier to roll.  Refrigerate for up to a week.

No Bake Energy Balls

1 cup oats (can use gluten free oats)

1 cup toasted coconut flakes

1/2 cup dark chocolate chips (try to get 60% or higher cacao, can use dairy free chocolate chips)

1/2 cup peanut butter (organic and no added sugars or corn syrup if possible)

1/2 cup ground flaxseed (or chia seeds)

1/3 cup raw honey (try to use local and raw)

1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix together let chill for an hour and then form into balls and keep in refrigerator for up to one week.

Tuli Energy Poppers

¾ cup pumpkin seeds

¾ cup sunflower seeds

4 dates

3 tablespoon flax meal

2 tablespoons coconut oil

2 tablespoons pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon and nutmeg (optional)

½ cup unsweetened, shredded coconut

1 tablespoon raw honey, (optional)

Combine all ingredients (except for shredded coconut) in a food processor. If you want a sweeter batter, add an extra date or the honey. Form mixture into balls about the size of a golf ball. Roll each ball in the shredded coconut to coat and then refrigerate until chilled.

Coconut Balls

2 tablespoons coconut oil

1 scoop protein powder

1 tablespoon sunflower seed butter

3 tablespoons coconut milk

2 tablespoons ground flaxseed meal

½ teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon cinnamon

½ cup unsweetened shredded coconut

Combine all ingredients in a bowl – except the unsweetened coconut.  Line a tray with wax paper.  Form ingredients into little balls and roll in coconut.  Place a tray and freeze for 30 minutes to form

Pumpkin Spice Smoothie

1 ½ cups dairy free milk or water (used unsweetened vanilla almond milk)

½ can pumpkin puree

½ cup spinach

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ teaspoon pumpkin spice (no added sugar)

1 frozen banana

Load it all in a blender and blend.  If you don’t have a powerful blender puree the spinach and liquid first then add your other ingredients. 

September 9, 2014 Self Defense

We had a great meeting on September 9th to review - Basic Self Defense – RAD (Rape Aggression Defense)

Our speaker was Lynn Gorski and Amanda

Lynn is a 4^th degree Dan black belt in Tae Kwan Do and focuses on training women and kids in self-defense.

Lynn is focused on Rape Aggression Defense – if a woman has some self-defense training she has an 80% chance to escape her attacker.  Remember if someone is robbing you give them what they want, if someone is trying to abduct you and move you from your location do everything you can to NOT be moved.

Lynn's advice to avoid an attack is to walk with authority, look ahead, scan your surroundings.  Attackers are looking for people who are not paying attention, someone who is an easy target with their head down.  If you are walking/running try to go with a companion in a familiar area, avoid wearing headphones, or just wear one.  Wear bright colors and avoid going out after dark.  Make sure you vary your route, if you are being followed or feel like you are being followed go to a business or a residence, it is okay to call the police if you feel unsafe – TRUST YOUR GUT!

DO NOT BE NICE.  25% of abductions are because someone was being nice.  If someone stops and asks for directions make sure you stay 3 feet away from the car (this is a great tip for kids to learn too).  Once you’ve given the directions walk away, if followed turn around and go someplace safe.  Always make eye contact – remember to be confident and show a sense of authority.  

At home never open the door for an unexpected visitor.  Ask for ID for any service person, if you are at work or in a shopping center and feel unsafe, ask for security to walk you to your car.  Park next to lights and always do a visual scan as you approach your car, look into your backseat, have your keys ready.  Once inside lock your doors immediately don’t wait for them to automatically lock when you start driving. 

If you find yourself in an attack you have to make a decision to fight or not.  You have to make your decision quickly and use all the power in your body.  Your voice is your number 1 weapon, yell ‘No’ but not as a scream but have it come from your gut (imagine a tennis player grunting as they hit the ball).  Every time you hit or defend yourself use that same voice and yell ‘No’.  Yelling will make you stronger.

As you defend yourself focus on the sensitive areas of your attacker, the groin, nose and eyes.  Use the below link to a document with more details:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14dPTqeDqo6rYY-XlU-l1CsDjEVMOjKDQw2Gjo1XjzLw/edit?usp=sharing

Stand with one foot in front ahead of the other, it makes you a smaller target. 

Look around for a place to run to.

If someone is coming towards you put your hands up and say ‘STOP’ loudly – if they keep coming towards you be prepared to fight.

Use your dominant hand with a closed fist, have the knuckles of your pointer finger and middle finger slightly raised as you make a fist.  Bring your hand back and strike the attacker in those sensitive areas using your entire body behind the strike.  If you have a purse or can find a stick or rock use it disarm/disorient the attacker but ensure it is long enough for you to run away.

If your arm is grabbed instead of pulling away, step towards the attacker and knee them in the groin – they won’t expect it.  You have to hurt your attacker.   

Practice your defense skills every day.  If you are out walking/running think about what you would do and how you would react if attacked. 

To find more information, including schedules for self defense classes use this link to a google docs location where you can find flyers for the following:

Kids Personal Safety Education girls and boys ages 8-12

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DCR9u_jvdPA32fJmZfn_rapBpvXnTtbh10WuupkVq88/edit?usp=sharing

Women’s Self Defense Training

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bu0Bv92XGxmb8Gw3Nwr6WpJ4H4Kk2TXjc4m9zzYkZLE/edit?usp=sharing

September and December Dates for Women’s Self Defense Training

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PB3386gRUKkv5GunqyQhdaAspGnJiYe8EcqYIJJfdek/edit?usp=sharing

Cage Fitness and Self Defense Training class information

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XE7KTTmvB9E3l0VwfLv0no2Ni8rIUbdLQhOjyVkGgzI/edit?usp=sharing

Excerpts from Studies on Rape and Violence Against Women

https://docs.google.com/document/d/10hqUgXT1Ah-tx2RZYXSkJYQf_v96k0exlzbYtcWBbEM/edit?usp=sharing

FBI Definition of ‘Rape’

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PbZAq4fJ5I770tg6nA6NNauQTE-MVa4mDhCyW0vQ70A/edit?usp=sharing

Local Resources

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V8FJ-cP0br2WMHIOdzv2TW-SSmXct2rd6L6oT6PD6-0/edit?usp=sharing

NC Laws on Self Defense

https://docs.google.com/document/d/16_Elu-s1cff9yo8guxYQ2n7TKZIFd4CuGrrBtCgwqzM/edit?usp=sharing

RAD Notes and Safety Tips – reviews in detail many of the tips listed in the blog

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14dPTqeDqo6rYY-XlU-l1CsDjEVMOjKDQw2Gjo1XjzLw/edit?usp=sharing

Self Defense Article from the globegazette.com

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gcJ_S9Shnv-KIgE2jCL-WdUk3VluKtsF8wf41JiaDEI/edit?usp=sharing

Statistics on Attacks

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18lCqQlR9XFicjU-rtXH4jbk5jtD6wpA4xPvUK6SNyeY/edit?usp=sharing

April Meeting: Field Trip to Wing Haven

Master Gardener Peggy Scott shared gardening advice during our April Field Trip to Wing Haven. Most of her tips centered around container gardening, but she also touched on other topics. Her tips included:

A few random tips:
Herbs you shouldn't miss: Lemon Basil, Stevia and Malabar Spinach, a Vietnamese herb that's a great substitute for cilantro, since cilantro doesn't grow well in our hot climate.

Veggies you shouldn't miss: Romanian sweet peppers, which are heart-shaped and yellow. Yellow gold cherry tomatoes. Pear tomatoes.

Don't buy Impatiens walleriana: They are contaminated with a new strain of downy mildew that causes them to suddenly die. Instead,, look for New Guinea Impatiends, Begonias or Torenia (see picture), which has beautiful purple flowers.

Torenia

Container Planting tips

- On choosing a container:  For the best results, start with a clean container. Fill the bottom with cut-up burlap, pieces of weed fabric or big chunky pieces of styrofoam. That will prevent the water from going right through the hole in the bottom.

- If you're using a Terracotta pots. They suck up all the moisture, so either use them with succulents, soak it before you plant, put a container inside the container or put a plastic grocery bag inside your pot before you fill it with dirt and poke holes in the bottom with a skewer. 

- The soil. Don't use topsoil or garden soil. You want potting mix that is specifically designed for containers. The premium brand is Fafard potting mix. Don't get the cheapest soil; you get what you pay for.

- On choosing plants. If it says full sun, that means more than six hours, and even shade plants like a little sun. Terriara are a good way to add color in the shade. Every pot needs thrillers (high plant in middle), fillers, and spillers (that spill over the side.)


- How many plants? Always choose odd numbers of plants. To figure out how many plants you need, measure your pot's width in inches, and divide by 2. So if you have a 12 inch pot, you need six plants. A few favorites: Diamond Frost is a beautiful filler with a cute white flower that will spread over your pot and create a lacy effect. Vinca is a great trailer that loves both sun and shade, and survives the winter. Torenia, Nemesia and Mezzo are other pretty trailers. Zinnias are great for color, stay short and fill in your pot. 

Vinca

Zinnias

- Planting tips. Don't plant in the sun on a really hot day; that stresses your plants. Do it in the shade if it's hot. Plant the one with the biggest root ball first. Wet your soil first too. Don't totally cover the root ball with soil.If you snip off anything that's dead and even the blooms, that will promote growth in the beginning. Plant trailers sideways so the top of them is directed over the side of your pot. Plant everything at least an inch below the lip of the pot so when you water it doesn't overflow.

- Feeding tips. You need to feed your plants! If you don't, you wont' have beautiful flowers, just green leaves. When you first plant, use a fertilizer that has more phosphorus (the second number of the three) because that promotes root development. Later, look for one with a higher third number to promote good blooms. A good organic one is Plant-Tone.

- Revive it in mid-summer. If your arrangement is looking a little sad by mid-summer, pull the whole thing out, cut off half the root ball, put in new soil and replant. Voila! Your pot will be rejuvenated.

That's it! If you have any questions, stop by Wing Haven. The volunteers there will be happy to help you!!!